Growing Up Boys

‘girls outnumber boys in higher education’, ‘girls top with shining results in board exams’ ….every alternate day I read or hear similar news. I grew up in a family where girls were given equal opportunities as boys and this was talked about as a fact – not as a social issue. Both I and my elder sister were never stopped from doing something just because we were girls. We didn’t have a brother and people seemed to mind it a lot! But I never heard my parents or any other close relatives talking that they expected a boy to carry forward ‘the family name’.

Then came the time in college days when we had to write essays on some erratic topics like ‘Women’s Liberation – A Need of the Day’ or ‘Gender bias in Indian society’. I never ran out of points to support women’s liberation movement and almost believed that men are around only to exploit women – in education, in career and in social settings.

But now I feel I have seen a bit of both the extremes and I seem to change my opinion on these issues. See how we are ‘brainwashed’ by one-sided information that is bombarded on us through media and sometimes by people around us! As a mother of a smart, intelligent son, I question each of my statement posed against men, against ample opportunities they get easily (!). I am also questioning my old belief that men always have it easy and only we women struggle for everything in the world.

It all started right at the time of school admission. Having a son, I have to pay school fees even for primary education which is supposed to be the right of every Indian citizen. But many parents who can afford a weekly visit to McDonalds or Pizza Hut are exempted from paying the school tuition fees just because they have a daughter. My son is old enough to understand this rule and he always says – ‘How unfair!’

Even in the classroom teachers seem to praise girls for being quiet, listening to the teacher most of the times and not creating a havoc. Siddhu (my son) used to get furious when he heard teachers praising girls endlessly. Can our teachers be a little sensitive to the basic gender differences among girls and boys in their choice of play, relationships, and social behavior?

A lot of debate is going on about educating girls in ‘safe touch’ and basic sex education. How can we totally ignore equally important counterpart in this issue? Why is anyone not talking about educating boys on human physiology, safe touch and co-existence with the other gender? With T.V. channels and soaps booking prime time programmes on ‘social issues’ there suddenly seems an ‘anti men’ line of thought. There is a thin line between being ‘anti men’ and being ‘pro-women’. We just seem to have swung to the other extreme of ‘pro-male’ environment. Any rape case is categorically aired by news channels as the girl being the victim and the man being the prosecutor. Does that mean there are no incidences where it all happened with mutual understanding and then the case was filed as ‘rape case’? Does that mean there are no women in the world who harass male counterparts?

Once I was coming back from my office by a bus. As soon as I entered the bus, I found all the seats full and there was an old man with his son sitting on one of the front seats reserved for women. The two men immediately got up and offered me a seat. I just stood for a second looking at them. I never expected them to do that! They seemed to have travelled a long distance, seemed really tired and exhausted. I didn’t have a heart to grab a seat from those men just because it was reserved for women. I was not so tired, I had to get down after a couple of stops and at that moment, they needed the seat more than me. Why do we expect that a man should get up and offer a seat to a woman to exhibit that he is polite or cultured? We always make a big hue and cry about many ‘musts’ and ‘shoulds’ that we have about how a woman or a young girl should behave, should dress or respect others. But we hardly consider all the impositions on boys that we force right form young age. Girls outnumber boys in higher studies – may be because we still expect a young man to get a good job and ‘settle’ in life or provide financial support in running the house, but not so from a young woman. A man is still looked as the ‘bread winner’ of the family in many communities. But girls have the choice of getting into job market or continuing education – many times with parents’ support. Boys just don’t seem to have that choice. I have seen many young men getting lost in career choices because there mare many contrasting demands from their parents, competition among peers to excel and grab a job with fat pay cheque and their desire to pursue higher education. In the bargain, they seem to settle for just enough education to attract good job offer. There are many underlying currents at play in the news ‘girls outnumber boys in higher education’.

Can we be sensitive to these issues a boy or a young man has to face? Can we educate our kids to co-exist with the other gender rather than being at the loggerheads? I think that is the sensible way of parenting our kids to be fit for the 21st century world with shrinking boundaries and cross-cultural exchange.

Back to school

The parents, students and teachers are gearing up for the new academic year. First day of school brings mixed feelings in students - of being anxious and excited over joining a new group of classmates, new teachers, new textbooks and a whole new experience. Do teachers have such mixed just like the students when the new school year begins? What kind of attitude do they bring in to the new classroom?

Some schools reopen a week earlier so that teachers can start planning for the year ahead. It seems a really good idea. It gives enough time for the teachers to get back to the routine after a long summer break, to know new set of students, to prepare the classrooms for the new academic year, and most importantly, to do curriculum planning. Teachers can start the first day at school on the positive note where both the students and the teachers look forward to enjoy the learning experience.

Attitude: It’s very important that teachers bring in positive attitude and positive energy to the class. Her / his enthusiasm and love for the subject gets rubbed off to the students. Remember – first day’s impression lasts throughout the year. Do not gossip over the not-so-good trouble makers in your class. Make a fresh start even with the students who were difficult to handle before. Students come with the baggage of all the problems, frustration, fear and anxiety to the class. They have not yet learned the ‘switch on – switch off’ trick. So be patient and empathetic. Consult the school counsellor. Give that student a chance to explain, to perform. Your attitude will clearly get reflected in the words and body language. At the same time, your high energy and positive attitude will get rubbed on to the students you work with.

So, have positive Jeevan Drishti!

Being a school counsellor, this is one of the frequently discussed issues in my meetings with the teachers. It's good to see that teachers are seeking professional support in handling such issues.

How do you do that? let's share innovative ways of carrying positive energy and positive attitude to the classroom.